Adoption - Not so easy

I had earlier wrote a post on "Why adopt the second child?" with certain notions of social responsibility towards our overpopulation and the solution with being inclusive.

I experimented all that I said in the post and should say it isn't a success. However friendly my daughter was with other kids, there is a glass wall. I understood practically that no friend could give the companionship that a sibling who grows in the same family could possibly give. When the child yearns for a sibling, I found it impossible to explain social responsibility towards overpopulation. I realized the need to have a second child. So as per my previous post thinking adoption would help another child as well make us socially responsible, we applied for adoption more than a year ago. After applying for adoption in CARA, patiently waited for the home visit. During the home visit, I was asked why you had chosen anywhere in India. How do you think you can view him/her as your own child if the child is from NorthEast as he/she would look very different with different eyes and nose features. We said that is fine with us. However a friend advised me, "it may be fine for you. But the child will feel an outcast due to our social structure and he/she will feel constantly reminded that he/she is not of the same family." I thought it was still fine. Aren't whites adopting black children and so on? Still in the back of the mind I was wondering how welcoming will the family and friends be and treat this child and couldnt disagree with what my friend said about how the child will feel.

After applying for adoption, one surprise was the number of children waiting for adoption to the Parents awaiting ratio. Eg: In Tamil nadu, it is 4 children, 2735 Parents. Karnataka: 13, 3234, AP: 1, 3065, Mizoram: 2, 2353, Nagaland: 2, 2355,  Assam: 6, 2554, Bihar: 6, 2661, Pondicherry it was 0 children, 2434 parents, Maharashtra 41, 3512. etc. Basically 8 states had 0 children for adoption, whereas parents awaiting were in thousands. 4 states in double digit and the rest single digit children. So I had this question to the home visit official. We know we have so many orphanages being run and literally overflowing. Then why is it that there are so few children for adoption, especially when there is such a large queue of parents awaiting. 

She explained,"Most of the children in the orphanages are having relatives or a single parent who cannot afford to bring up the child. So they give the children to the orphanages to raise them and then take them back when they become independent, so that they can help the family." Only when a child has noone to take care of, they are officially eligible to be adopted. Also the guardian or the relatives do not have the right to give the child to adoption to anyone to avoid child trafficking. She also said that there are a few cases of adoption that happen which are not legal. The only legal route in India is CARA.

This made me think 'would the children be happy growing up in the orphanages and then rejoining the family relatives Or will they be happier finding a totally new home with adopted parents, but may face rejections from relatives circle'

Looks like unless there is a change in law for the child to choose to be adopted or grow in the orphanage, adoption is far fetched.

Also given the children to parents ratio, I feel guilty waiting in the queue when there are several parents waiting for their first child.

Processing this info for several years, I realized I owe an apology to the close friends to whom I had argued at length when they planned to have a second child.

Sorry..